When u try your best but u dont succeed. Ya, most of u knowing this song sang by Chris Martin.

Stuck in reverse? I dont know. Probably Im in the middle of nowhere. I dont know where to go next.

Once again, what phase of life is it? Is it just me or everyone else has similar problem?

I dont know, i dont understand where to start explaining. Just dont understand what should i tell u first.

It’s all come up to my mind. It’s the whole thing. The whole aspects were becoming more complicated. I used to write down the story slowly, but this time I have speed, my emotion was turning on since I switching my laptop on. So do my fingers on the keyboard, it runs fast, there’s nothing holding it back.

Now lyric: “Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you” My spotify playlists just never disappoint me. Thanks Cold Play!

Ya, love story:

Me, and my friends got so shocking story after all recently:

RSH: broke up with her bf.

My roomate, PDA: Broke up too.

RZE: so did she. Nah, sorry. It was almost.

RA: this is only God can control the death, his bf, which is also my friend, kak Yesua Andrew has passed away, peacefully yet shocked us. He is so kind, a very good man. I cannot think his bad.

Me? I dont know. I got trapped. I knew it already, I enjoyed, tryna quit, enjoyed, quit, got back the same hole, quit-enjoy-quit-dilemma. Ah shit! What am I supposed to do? Shit ah shit! Triple shit! I cant quit!

Life:

What life? It’s so general to discuss. Nah, something always bothering me, recently, for few years.

Why do I never get enough? Why do I never feel good enough?

Sometimes I am terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.

Sometimes in the midst of all pressure, I seem forget totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself. I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch movies all day long marathonly, and sleep.

Here are things to remember, when I think I am not good enough:

Well, about comparing thing. I believe that, The people I compare myself to, compare themselves to other people too.

We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure when I look at the other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgement and jealousy, I am better be able to see them for what are they –humanbeings. They are beatifully imperfect beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through, arent they?

Ever once I read a quote, says: “Dont believe everything u think”.The quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging  thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, it’s unhealty and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.

There is more right with me, than wrong with me.

As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too, like the fact that I am alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.

Oh by the way, Im no one, expect a perfectionist. I am sick of it.

One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right”. I strive for perfection and success, and when I fall short, I feel less than and worthless. What I dont seem to realize is that working toward my goals and being willing to put myself out there are accomplishments within myself, regardless of how many times I fail. I am thinking, instead  of berating myself for messing up and stumbling backward, I should give myself a pat on the back for trying, making progress and coming as far as I have.

I shouldnt hate, (and I probably cant hate), my way into loving myself.

Telling myself what a failure I am wont make me any more successful. Telling myself that Im not living up to my full potential wont help me reach a higher potential. Telling myself that Im worthless and lovable also wont make I feel any worthy or lovable.

I am enough just I am, and self-love will be a lil bit easier every time I remind myself of that.